How To Make A Conversation Flow

Writen by Peter Murphy

We all seem to know someone with the gift of gab. The just seem to naturally know how to make a conversation flow; even if it's with someone they are just meeting for the first time.

Here are some tips on how to make conversation flow by concentrating on why we talk to each other in the first place.

1. The golden rule.

The reason we talk to other people is to connect, on a heart-to-heart level. If a conversation is steered only by your head, there is probably not going to be a flow to it.

Use the golden rule when you enter that room full of strangers. You want to feel noticed and understood. Start by noticing and understanding others!

2. Smile!

Have you noticed that person who walks into a room 'smiling at the world?' When they do talk to someone their voices are warm and friendly. Smiling will make you look confident and relaxed, which makes people want to approach you.

Don't be surprised if someone comes up to you and says: "Wow, you seem like a happy person! Can I sit with you, today?"

3. Are you listening?

By far, people who know how to make conversation flow know when to be the one who isn't talking! How many times have you been on the phone and can tell that the person you are talking to is distracted with something else. For whatever reason - they are not really listening to you.

People who do a lot of networking have an underlying belief that everyone they meet is the most incredibly interesting person in the world. You can never find that out, unless you listen to what someone has to say.

Furthermore, if you are worried about what to talk about with someone, listening with your heart and not reacting with your head will never leave you without something to add to the conversation.

4. Remember past conversations.

Start up a conversation by remembering tidbits of any past talks you may have had. You remember this was the person that was trying to train their new pet dog.

You can start up a friendly conversation with: "So how's Sam doing? Did you ever get him to rollover and play dead?" This demonstrates your interest in the other person and it is always appreciated.

5. Eye Contact.

Another key in learning how to make conversation flow is to remember to maintain eye contact with whomever you are talking to. You only have had to be on one bad date with someone who keeps looking around at all the other potential 'dates' in the room, while you are talking to them, to know that the person is just not that interested!

Learning how to make conversation flow sometimes takes practice, but it can lead to quality, heart-to-heart connections.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because it is available only at: conversation starters

Networking For Success The 3 Phases Of Small Talk

Writen by Dean Mercado

In my mind, small talk basically consists of 3 phases:

1. The ice breaker
2. Get to know you better
3. Graceful exit

So let's go ahead and briefly touch on each phase and in turn give you some concrete takeaway strategies that you can apply immediately for each.

Phase 1: The Ice Breaker
So you attend a networking event… you make eye contact with someone you want to meet, you approach them and introduce yourself… now what?

Well having a few powerful, open-ended ice breaker questions should certainly do the trick. For example:

• A tried and true ice breaker is the proverbial, "So Jeff, what do you do?" In other words "Jeff, what business are you in? Now people love talking about themselves and their business so the idea here is to get them started talking. Most people also love to hear the sound of their own voice so the ice breaker question is critical and essentially sets the tone and potential for the conversation.
• Another good ice breaker could be, "So Jeff, what brings you here today?"

Now notice on these sample ice breaker questions I've repeated the person's name. First off by doing this it will help burn that person's name into my head so I don't forget it. Secondly, people love the sound of their own name – so don't be afraid to use it throughout your conversation.

Phase 2: Get To Know You Better
Depending on the results of the ice breaker questions you should by now be able to determine whether or not it makes sense to get to know this person better. If not, simply skip this phase and go into your graceful exit. But if you do see a synergy here, by all means try some of these again open-ended, getting to know you better questions:

• So Jeff, how did you get into that business?
• What types of challenges keep you up at night?
• Jeff, help me out here, draw me a mental picture, what does success look like for you and your business?
• What's new in your industry these days? Any events or trends that are shaping it?

Now you can use one, two, all of these questions, or more if the situation permits. However, be careful here not to dominate and monopolize someone's time. If you're at a networking event, there's a good chance that they're there to network and meet other people as well, so it may make sense to go to the graceful exit phase and encourage that you two get together in the near future.

Phase 3: Graceful Exit
It's vastly important how you leave a conversation – as this is the last impression you make on that person. We're not looking to create any animosity here by rudely blowing someone off. The key here is as this phase's title states, is to exit gracefully.

A key difference between the types of questions or statements you make in this phase as opposed to the previous two phases is that now you shift to using close-ended ones. For example:

• Introduce the person to someone else that may be of interest to them and then politely excuse yourself. The dialogue can go something like this: "Hey Cindy I'd like you to meet Jeff. Jeff's in the xyz industry as well and I just felt that you two should meet." Now they exchange pleasantries and you immediately exit the conversation by saying something like, "Well you two probably have a bunch to talk about. Cindy I'll catch up with you later and Jeff, it was great meeting you."
• Another example of a graceful exit may be: I can certainly see some synergy between what you and I do. Can I give you a call next week to set up some time to talk further?
• Or, it's been great meeting you, will I see you at future meetings?
• And lastly, wow, this is quite an event don't you think? Well we should probably keep moving… it was great meeting you Jeff!

So now you're aware of and armed with some actual strategies for the 3 phases of small talk. The key now is to get in the game and practice, practice, practice and you too can see the results you would like for your business.

© 2006 Online Marketing Muscle -- All Rights Reserved.

Online entrepreneur Dean Mercado, "The Motivational Marketer," is creator of the acclaimed 'Pumped Up Networking' system geared to explode your business through professional relationships. To learn more about it and to sign up for his FREE eZine the 'Marketing Minute' – a weekly multimedia eZine designed to give you a jolt of marketing wisdom in less than 5 minutes, visit http://www.OnlineMarketingMuscle.com.

How To Get More Visibility Increase Your Influence And Get More Referrals

Writen by Adam Urbanski

Earlier today I was helping a client develop a better strategy to generate more referrals from local businesses. While that particular client owns an orthodontic practice, the ideas I gave him will work equally well in your business.

Before I tell you the specifics, let's first establish two premises:

1. Other entrepreneurs don't care about helping you as much as they care about building their own business.

2. In order to maximize the return on your time invested into networking with local professionals, you need to stop thinking one-to-one and start thinking one-to-many.

Keeping those two things in mind let's explore for a moment how most professionals approach building a strategic referral partnership.

The "let's have lunch" strategy.

Frankly I hate wasting my precious time on chit-chatting with strangers over a so-so meal. There is just too much involved for too little in return. There is coordinating of the schedules, commute time, schmoozing and "learning" about each other's business (most often it's like probing for the best way to squeeze in one's pitch for their service or product). Finally, after 45 or 60 minutes of this "conversation", comes the dreaded experience of soliciting referrals. It goes somewhat like this: "So, now that you know what I do, who do you know that you could send my way?" Yuck! This can be draining at best and un-dignifying at worst!

In any case, it's not something any self-respecting professional really looks forward to. What a terrible place to be in - expecting someone to trust us with their friends and colleagues because we did lunch together? Yeah, I know there is more to it, but play with me here for a moment, would you please?

The "let's do lunch" strategy violates both premises. One - you ask someone to care about you without offering much in exchange. And two – doing it one-on-one takes a lot of time and effort for very little result. It definitely doesn't create much leverage and puts you in a position of a person asking for help ("begging" for referrals.)

So how do you get local professionals and business owners to happily refer to you their friends, patients, clients and colleagues?

Here is a strategy that works.

First, knowing that entrepreneurs are preoccupied with creating more success, increasing sales and profits and having more time off, make it your job to help them get what they want. Or more specifically – help them get information that helps them get what they want.

Second, quit doing it one-on-one, and instead exponentially increase your visibility and leverage by bringing all your potential partners together.

Are you beginning to see what I'm talking about here? The strategy I have in mind is simple. Put together a small group meeting and invite a dozen or so of local entrepreneurs and professionals. One important detail - make the events exciting to attend. No one wants to show up for a 60-minute pitch for your businesses. Here are a few suggestions:

• Invite a local marketing expert to share a few tips on more effective promotional strategies.

• Bring in a real estate investment advisor who can teach professionals how to develop sources of passive revenue.

• Invite an asset attorney, who can talk about asset protection strategies for small business owners.

• Find a local "cash flow" game trainer to facilitate this fun game for your group.

• Once you get started, ask the participants of your group what they would like to learn more about and simply find a person who can teach on that topic.

Does it work? You bet! Because you follow both premises of good marketing: you care about them first and you leverage your investment of time, money and effort by introducing yourself to many people at the same time. You put yourself in a position of a trusted advisor, leader, someone who knows, cares and wants to help.

When members of your group come across someone looking for the type of service you provide do you think they will be more likely to send business your way or to someone who "begged" them for referrals over a lunch? The choice is clear, isn't it?

Are you thinking that it's too much work? Think again. Look at it this way: each lunch or "cup of coffee" meeting takes you about 3 hours – and that's to meet just one person!

Doesn't it make more sense to take five to eight hours a month and organize just one meeting where you have eight to 12 people? And, remember this: hosting this small "entrepreneurs' forum" automatically gives you more visibility and positions you as a person with greater prestige and influence.

So what's next? I guess you have to pick the date for the first "entrepreneur's forum", and get busy sending out a few invites.

(c) 2005 Adam M. Urbanski

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Adam Urbanski, the Marketing Mentor, helps Independent Service Professionals and Small Business Owners attract more clients. For more promotional tips and a FREE 32-page marketing guide go to http://www.themarketingmentors.com

Networking Six Degrees Of Separation Means You Are Closer Than You Think

Writen by Cathy Stucker

Have you heard of six degrees of separation? It is a theory that any two randomly-selected people in the world can connect with six or fewer intermediaries. That means there are only six people (or fewer) between you and anyone you want or need to meet.

Of course, the trick can be figuring out who those six people are. The key to making links is that each of us belongs to many communities and has friends and acquaintances who span a number of groups. Thus, it is possible to make random connections between people, but you can also use this idea to make a targeted connection.

Let's say you wanted to reach the CEO of a major corporation. Do you know someone who works there? Someone who is a vendor or supplier? Where did the CEO go to school--do you know anyone else who went there? Do you know someone who lives in the same town? If not, who do you know who might know someone who fits any of these categories?

Let the people around you know that you are trying to reach this person. You probably don't know everyone they do. Your friend or co-worker may have a connection you never would have imagined. I watched this work at a conference. The speaker got a few people to ask the group for help contacting someone they wanted to reach. Within moments, connections had been made to several people, including a former US president!

Perhaps you are hoping for a product endorsement, a chance to get someone involved in your cause, a blurb for your book, or an appointment to do a presentation. Whatever your need, if you are creative and persistent, you can reach the people you need to reach.

Copyright Cathy Stucker. As the IdeaLady, Cathy Stucker helps authors, entrepreneurs and professionals attract customers and make themselves famous. Get creative marketing ideas at http://www.IdeaLady.com/

Work An Event Not Just A Room

Writen by Lillian D. Bjorseth

Networking is the number one reason many people join organizations. When they don't get the results they anticipate, they "blame" the group for not delivering on its promises.

Most organizations provide opportunities for connections to occur rather than making the connections. While organizations need to shoulder the responsibility for offering creative and multiple venues locally and nationally, members also need to take more control of their destiny. They need to learn to network strategically rather than just network. Most people like to step up to the plate when they get to the room (and sometimes strike out!) rather than doing all the preparation involved in a planned approach to this vital art.

Working an event entails knowing what to do beforehand, how to work it once you get there and what to do afterwards. We'll examine each more carefully after we look at what networking is.

What is networking?

Networking is an active, dynamic process that links people into mutually beneficial relationships. It is planting seeds. A sale is harvesting. The more fertile the ground in which you plant your seeds, the more likely you are to reap a good crop.

What to do Before the Event

An element that is key to all your relationship building is to make a plan! Word-of-mouth is the most successful marketing tool, which means networking needs to be part of your written marketing plan. Once you have an overall plan, it can be a first step in choosing any events to attend. Answer questions like:

What is the focus of your business or career?

1. What do you do?

2. What would you like to do?

3. Are you satisfied with your job?

4. Do you want to move laterally, get promoted,

change jobs? Stay where you are geographically?

Who is your target market?

1. Describe them specifically.

2. When, why, where, how do they buy?

3. Where can you meet them?

4. What organizations/clubs do they join?

5. What conferences do they attend?

6. Whom do you know who knows them?

Prepare yourself.

Your "practice sessions" help make sure you are ready for the real thing: the room.

1. Become a Student of Impression Management.

Know what impression you want to create and how to create it. People decide 10 things about you within 10 seconds of seeing you. It is based on your image, a combination of your appearance and behavior. Every color you wear sends a message. Decide what you want it to be. Authority, responsibility and knowledge? Then, wear navy blue. Successful? Then wear darker gray. Dependable, practical, stable – brown. Intuitive, regal, spiritual – purple. Powerful, dignified, sophisticated – black. While black is the most slimming color, it also can be too powerful for some situations.

Is the event business casual or formal business? Whatever the answer, remember that a suit jacket with long sleeves, slightly padded shoulders and a collar make you look one-third more powerful.

Body language is another key element that speaks before you say anything. Your posture can bespeak confidence or the lack thereof. Learn the meaning of the seven standard handshakes, and how to react to them. Eye contact needs to be steady without being too piercing or too weak. A good rule of thumb is to maintain it at least 80 percent of the time. You can look down or away in thought; however, you need to return to the subject relatively quickly before you appear to be uninterested.

2. Prepare a Powerful, Benefit-laden Verbal Business Card.

You want your all-important introductory words to intrigue people while at the same time inform them about what you do. They must be laden with benefits. People are most interested in how what you do affects or helps them. This is not the same thing as an elevator speech, which is 30-60 seconds long. This one is about 10-15 seconds. That's all the longer you have to grab someone's attention. It is also the length of time that is proper for you to speak before giving someone else a chance.

Make sure to include active verbs, the most powerful words in the English language. For example:

I am Lillian Bjorseth, and I help entrepreneurs

through Fortune 500 employees increase their comfort

level with meeting people and get along better with

others.

Notice I did not say I am a speaker, trainer, author, etc. Those words generally cause people to think, "So what." Make yours elicit the question, "How?" That's when you can launch into all the things you are itching to say.

3. Know Your Relationship-building Strengths and Limitations.

Use a behavioral tool such as DISC to analyze yourself in the networking arena. Even more importantly, learn to read others so you can network in their style and quickly help them feel comfortable.

If you are naturally confident like the Dauntless style and have a powerful stance, handshake and eye contact, ease up a little, lest you overwhelm others. Indefatigables, curb your natural enthusiasm and desire to do almost all the talking. You'll benefit more from listening more.

Supportive networkers, push your comfort level, and talk with three or four people, rather than just the one who makes you feel safe. And, for those of you with a Careful style, be less stoic and react more. People may think you are aloof, don't care and don't want to be bothered with small talk, and therefore, relationship building in general.

What to do at the Event

Now, it's time to "preach" what you have been practicing. Even people who understand the value of networking may have trouble getting over the first hurdle: walking into a room and feeling as if they fit. Some feel this way every time a conversation ends, and they need to start the process anew.

One helpful hint is to arrive early. This allows you to meet key people. Be respectful of their time, as they often have much to do at the last minute. Shake hands, make a good impression and move on.

Arriving early also gives you an opportunity to choose the right seat, get the best exposure for your materials if there is such a table, meet others in a less frenzied atmosphere, relax and adjust in the moment and eat. Since it is impolite to speak while eating and you want your hands free, don't walk around with a plate in one hand and a beverage in the other. Especially risky is to hold a cold beverage in your right hand and then transfer it to the left to shake someone's hand. Brrrr!

Another hint is to think of attendees as guests in your home. Act like a host rather than a guest. Approach people rather than waiting to be approached. It's amazing how much warmer and friendlier events seem to be when you practice that method.

My 10-Minute Rule for Working a Room breaks down into an introduction, body and conclusion. The introduction is for small talk (a misnomer since this lays the foundation for the rest of the conversation) and possible business card exchange. Remember business card etiquette: If you want someone to have your card, ask them for theirs first. If they do not ask you in return, deliberate before giving them one.

The goal of the body is to find a commonality. Have your "ask-for" questions prepared so that you can determine quickly if you wish to pursue building a relationship. Equally important are your "listen-for" answers, again, so you can determine if you wish to move to another level.

The conclusion ends the interaction, and for some it is as hard as starting a conservation. Plan endings just as you plan initial words. This helps you politely end one encounter and move on to the next. The person you are speaking with is probably eager to move on, too.

Good times to end a conversation include when:

1. About 10 minutes have elapsed (you'll get a feel for

this.

2. The other person's eyes noticeably begin wandering

3. Others shift their stance away from you

4. Someone glances at his/her watch

5. Feedback is "interesting," "hmmm," "really,"

in a montone.

Say good-bye to everyone you met. Keep it short, upbeat and positive, and always use the person's first name.

What to do After the Event

You will immediately stand out if you do what you promised. This is what separates those with integrity from those who merely say they will do something.

While there are myriad ways to store your information and follow-up methods, what is most important is that you choose the one(s) that fit the other person's preferences and behavioral style. You need to know if it's e-mail, a letter, the telephone or lunch. Know whether to talk about the weather or get right to business. Gauge the right amount of time to wait between contacts and how often to pursue others.

People like to be treated in their style, not yours, and as the sales person (and we all sell all day long!), it is up to you to adapt to each situation.

Happy networking!

© 2005. Lillian D. Bjorseth

Reprint rights must include © Lillian D. Bjorseth, business networking, business development, communication skills speaker, trainer, author. www.duoforce.com, lillian@duoforce.com

A client said Lillian D. Bjorseth could read the IRS tax code and make it interesting. Imagine what she does with business networking, business development and communication skills! She combines her natural enthusiasm, poise, confidence and Fortune 100 and entrepreneurial experience to educate, entertain and fire up your participants.

Called a networking expert by the Chicago Tribune and the business networking authority by the Association Forum of Chicagoland, Lillian is known for helping you work an event, not just a room.

Lillian is among the first in the world to earn a Certified DiSC® Trainer designation from Inscape Publishing and is also an authority at preparing customized applications for your boards of directors, employees, management and sales staffs to improve communication, productivity and profitability.

She's author of "Breakthrough Networking: Building Relationships That Last;" "52 Ways to Break the Ice & Target Your Market," and the "Nothing Happens Until We Communicate" CD/workbook series. She's a contributing author to "Masters of Networking."